STOP!

now i feel like i was just a useless person in the earth..

just a math question..

i need to slog away for couple of hours..

sometimes i really hope i can dissapear from this earth..

today they injure my pride..

my family..

i hate them

i was always the odd man out in the family..

i dunno why..

sometimes i'll wonder am i the part family?

by the way they treat me..

slang to me..

i'm also a human ok?

stop slangging to me..

i just suppress my feelings of anger!

i hate it!

ENOUGH OF THOSE INSUFFERABLE RUDENESS!

finally...

i've good back with her..

needless to say , i'm happy..

but she good back with me is because of..

she just want to be friend with everyone...

is not because of i'm her important friend...

and the worst ,

she said if yuen kim trust me,

we'll be best friend

why our friendship need to let others people to judge?

u totally break my heart!

i just want to be happy..

someone had told me,

that you have to choose,

what you win or lose,

don't you take chances?

you might feel the pain

don't you love in vain?

cause friendship won't set you free..

i could stand by the side,

and watch life pass me by..

so unhappy , but safe as could be..

so what if it hurt me ,

so what if i break down,

so what if this world just throws me off the edge?

i gotta find my place,

i gotta hear my sound

don't care about other pain infront of me..

cause i just want to be happy!

i won't cry anymore..

thanks for let me down , thanks for letting me sad ..
i never think much about us,
my tears smiled ...
i won't cry anymore..
again i'll stand up ....
facing you with the courage i had...
because you're just a person who passed through in my life ...

there's nothing i could say to u,

nothing i could ever do ,

to make you see ,

what u mean to me..

all the pain , the tears i cried,

still you never say goodbye and now i know,

how far you go...

can't deny anymore....

today , when PJ , i play badminton with chinlee ...
after 30 minutes ,
i go toilet with chinlee and left the badminton ball on the floor...

when we returned , we found that our ball was dissapear...
a group of gangster standing at the place we played just now...
chinlee ask them whethere they saw the ball anot..
they say they saw nothing...

i was nervous because i know teacher will scold us..
when teacher want keep back the ball ,
chinlee admit to teacher that we lost the ball...
then teacher keep on scolding us...

when teacher saw those gangster ,
teacher ask them whethere they saw the ball..
but they keep on deny...

i become more nervous...
but suddenly , elaine went beside a girl..
and take the badminton ball directly from the girl pocket...

i was like , wa ..she so brave...

i told my sis about how me and elaine been through...
my sis suggest me to clarify to elaine everythings..
the reason why i would challange elaine
why i would tease elaine...
believe or not is her own decision...

ya, thats right i think i really should clarify to her...
perhaps , the result is not that good as i imagined...
perhaps she'll tell everythings to manda...
and the result will become more worst..
al least i've try to keep this friendship...

ok..i will find a day and clarify everythings to her...

the winner takes it all...

I don’t want to talk
About the things that we gone through
Though it hurting me
Now is history
I play all my cards
And that’s what you done too
Nothings more to say
No more aces to play

The winner takes it all
The loser standing small
Beside the victory
That’s her destiny
We are togethere...
Thinking I belonged here
I figured it made sense
Building me a fence
Thinking I’ll be strong there
But I was a fool
Playing by the rules

The god may throw the dice
Their mind as cold as ice
And someone way down here
Loses someone dear
The winner takes it all
The loser has to fall
It’s simple and it’s plain
Why should I complain?

Somewhere deep inside
You must know I thinking you..
But what can I say?
Rules must be obeyed
The judges will decide
The likes of me abide
Spectators at the show
Always staying low

The game is on again
A Best friend or just a friend?
A big things or a small?
The winner takes it all
I don’t want to talk
Cause it makes me feels sad
But I understand
I apologize
If it makes you feel bad

thanks..buddy

Today is my big day!!!

Having some happy moments with Puiyee…
Thanks for accompany when my birthday…
Having so much fun with her…

Thanks for Shienlin…
I receive her call …
She said she brought me a present from Penang…
At that moment, I was happy…
Because she still remember my birthday..

I also receive Sirin message…
Thanks also…

Actually I also receive a gorgeous present in my birthday…
To let me know who my true friend is and who is not…
And let some of my friend be back to me…
I’m overwhelmed with gratitude…

Thanks for the sender…

THE GOD

All In Vain..

I oughtn’t to believe what she says ….
Her apologize was just a plan…
Why I would believe her…
I’m a damn stupid girl….
Just end about it…
Although I’m all in moody since I argue with her…
But I just get better in 3 days…
Perhaps I was not taking a big hope for this friendship from the beginning...Until now
This is the choice that I decide right for this friendship…
But I was sad for me and Elaine’s friendship…
Many misunderstand formed between me and her…
I know these misunderstand can never be broken ….
I was regretting the choice I make for me and Elaine – spoil me and Elaine’s friendship to preserve me and Manda’s friendship ….

When Pui Yee told me Elaine want to transfer school …
I was like… all in vain…
At that moment I really hope I can tell Elaine…

“Thanks for the joy you brought in my life…although I know it would not come back again, but I really enjoy the happy moments..I apologize everything that I said, I did, sorry ….. All I did is just want to let you notice…. Perhaps I’m not your best friend…just a normal friend in your life which brings a lot of trouble … a lot of annoyance to you… sorry… lastly I just want to tell you , from the day we know each other’s…until now…even when the days we argue… YOU’RE MY BEST FRIEND…”

This was all my heartfelt words…

the ending....

i really can't believe this is the ending...

the ending of our gang...

but i know...i should accept the fact..

from this ending ...i know...

who is treat me with true heart..who is not..

anyway, this is the end of our gang...

and the end of me and manda's friendship...

i would never forgive her...

BYE! 1 KENANGA GANG!

my heart cripple by the vain..

today , when i reach school ..

i saw seokyi sit with sk them...

and i know what happened..

after 10 minutes , chinlee arrive...

and i told her go with seokyi..

but she said she wan to stay here..

and we had discuss about seokyi...

puiyee cried..

she said she dunno what's going on..

why seokyi will change?

and i going to change class...

i really cannot bear to stay in this class!

chinlee company me to office and find teacher...

and i tell teacher i wan to transfer class..

then teacher just give me many UNREASONABLE-REASON!

at that moment...i really wanna cry out!

chinlee saw it ...

and she just hold my hand tightly...

when i go back class...

i lose control and cry....

chinlee comfort me..

and she said if teacher dun let me transfer class..

she will accompany to transfer school...

thanks..chinlee..

really feel glad to have you as my best friend...

and also shienlin...

puiyee..

thanks!

lonely time..

thursday , i didn't talk to her...not even a single words...

at class , no one talk to me ..

everyone was in their time of joy..

and i was in my time of agony...

recess , i told puiyee everythings ...

once i tell her...

i have shed my tears...

and i lose control...

i dun wan let people to know i cried...

and i know i can't stop my tears...

i make a decision - GO BACK HOME..

i think i was going to be crazy...

puiyee help me to take my bag...and company me to wait...

teacher thinking i was in pain...

ya i was in pain..my heart...

i wonder why my friend...seokyi..manda...chinman..sirin..

has changed untill...

maybe they changed since long time ago...

but i just realize...

should i?

finally my predict is correct..

she really hurt me..

everytimes...

why she want to lie to me?

why?

perhaps we shouldn't good back...

although we good back..

we have nothing to say anymore...

and she won't care my feelings anymore..

she having fun with her best friends...

and i'm going to be alone...

i'm thinking should i be back normal friends with her?

should i?

argue..argue..and argue

argue ..argue ....argue...

everyday we sure argue at lease 1 time..

i really tired...

just a small matter we also will ..ARGUE

because i very care bout wat she think..

the way she treat me..

haiz...

i just wan to know her blog..

but thn?

she also din giv me...

fine...

i're good back with her...

i'm happy...

and i found out the truth..

the reason manda betray me is because of chinman..

chinman seduce her to do so..

although i good back with her..

i think i will make provision..to let her hurt

like ...

she always din keep her promise..

she always dun care my feelings...

she dun even think i'm important to her..

she dun even post on her blog that i've good back with her

if cs or zy...

she sure post...

ya..i have no value to u....

and she said she will tell me somethings tomorrow..

haiz..i reallyduncare anythings..

i just wan her to care my feelings...

thats all..

but shw can't do it...

she won

suppress...

i just saw her blog...

and i was very confused...

why she can change from this to that in a short moment?

i was wondering...

is that the truth?

at school she try to take away all my friends....

let me alone...

try to scheming me to get me in many trobles..

she can even try to be friendly to elaine khoo(her enemy)

if she is be friendly to elaine with the true heart is ok..

but she is not...

OH GOD!what's the hell going on?

why she can be so fake?

why she can got a nasty mind?

i was regret to confide to her everythings..withough reserve

she ask me why can't i put faith on her?

so i try to put great faith in her...

but the result is...she betray me....

i really dunno what to do...

but i can bear everythings....

the way she spite to me...

the way she acted in collusion with my friends...

the way she saying nasty things about me..

although i good back with her..

perhaps is just friend..

a very normal friend....

cause i won't let her to hurt my feelings anymore..

i'm lost...

i'm lost....

yesterday i have a body check...

the doctor find out my lungs got problems...

somemore...the doctor found out my backbones also have problem...

the doctor offer me to have X-ray...

and check out my backbones...

if my backbones getting more serious...

maybe doctor will have operate on my backbones....

and my friends...

o god...

i'm lost...

i was like in the railway..

i cant foresee the train will stop in which station...

is same like life...

u cant foresee what will happen in your life...

justice will prevail!

chinman and shienlin had changed...

finally my predict is right....

i believe shienlin , chinman will awake...

today i have a long chat with shienlin...

we confide to each others...

finally shienlin realize that sirin had been seduce by manda ....

finally she awake..

i was agape ...

since manda had changed into a scheming person...

she've been scheming to get me in many trouble...

she try to make everyone hate me...

my friends...my teacher...

why she wan to do so? why??

i really cant recognize her anymore...

i believe that finally sirin will also awake..

but it need times...

justice will prevail!

i went back to my ordinary and wonderful life...

a life which full of happiness ....

there's was friends that i can i trust...

chin lee ,seokyi ,puiyee...

for chinman,manda

you 're just a cur , officious bastard!

who only know how to injure people feelings..

who only know how to scheming to get people in trouble...

who only know how to take advantage...

who desert you in time of adversity...

please get out of my way!

i hate you!

phrase in "bride war"

'bride war' wat a gorgeous movie ...

this movie is about friendship...

this movie is the "one" who accompany for a whole sad night...

and this is the phrase in this movie who i wanna share..

"sometimes in life , there really are bonds that formed can never be broken..

sometimes , you really can find that one person who will stands by you no matter what

maybe you'll find it in a spouse..

but there's also the chance that the one person you can count on for a lifetime..

the one person who know you sometimes better than you know yourself..

is the same person who's been standing beside you all along.."

friendship?

today , when i reach school..
i quickly ran to basketball court..
and find chinman...

she was not appreaciate it...
she just answer me with a annoying voice when i talk to her...

i was depress...

at first i was thinking...

chinman will stand by me no matter what...
but she is not....

she started to talk to me in a unpolitely way....
when manda arrive school...

she dun even talk to me a single words...


i was sad....depress



after that we having exame...
but i was not in mood...
because of manda...

suddenly chinman told me that...

manda told her ..yesterday when scy call me...
is very bored when i chat with her on phone..
i do math while chatting with her....

when i hear that..my heart was break...

i cant believe those words will come from her ....
she promised me she will not breake my heart anymore...
and she ask me to gave her a chance to built up my heart...

but now what she did?

suddenly i felt like...

what is friendship?

after that when recess i told manda i go basketball court study with chinman...
she just say ok la , i wan go canteen..
i know...she won't care me anymore....

and that 20 mins, i have a long chat with chinman...
i told chinman that i'm depress with friends...

chinman answer me : did u notice that , is not they change..mayb u change also...

u know..her words was a dig on me...

i'm hurt...

ok..exame is over..

i try to talk to manda...
she just answer me one sentences...

thn i keep on asking her what is the matter..
she say nothing....

it hurt...

although u dun wan talk to me..
but pls just give me a reason...
just a reason...

i sacrifice many to this friendship...

because of manda...
i let go elaine and my friendship...

because of manda ...
i dun even talk to chinman more than 10 sentences a day...

but i think it's worthy...

but now what she did it to me?

i'm depress....

moody...

yesterday i was in moody...

i'm wondering why will i did that to her...

why?WHY?

i found the answer...

because i care her...

when i listen leona lewis's song...

my tears start to drop out...

and i lose control...

i just let my tears drop..drop...drop...

and i'm wondering should i gave her a call?

or should i'm not?

if she treasure our friendship..

surely,she will called me...

but this time is different...

around 11 o'clock , i gave her a call...

her sound was happy..it doesn't look sad or moody...

perhaps,she put down our friendship....

then i try explain...

i keep on explaining...

finally, she said she forgive me...

but her sound doesn't look cheerful...

i know, our friendship gone..

and i watch "bride war" alone...

until midnight...

i found a phrase in "bride war"...

"one day,you will found a person who will stand by you no matter what"

i only remember that....

is she is the one?

obviosly not...

i really hope for she will be the person who stand by me no matter what...

but it's just a dream...

it'll all get better in time..

you didn't notice that ...

you mean everythings to me ...

although i didn't show in physical way...

i'll be ok...

althought i can't lost you...

it's gonna hurt when it heals too...

but

i believe...

it'll all get better in time ..

even thought i feel the pain...

i gonna smile..

is it easy to just put you out of my life?

no ..is not easy...

but time will heal it...

no matter how hard it is..

i will be fine..

yes..i will.

puiyee...thanks for stand by me forever...

thanks alot...

i'm overwhelmed with gratitude...

thanks god i found you....

confused...

sometimes i was confused by the way she treat me...

i dun think we are intimate anymore..

did u feel sorry for not keep ur words?

obviosly not!

perhaps,i have no value to u..

no position in your heart...

perhaps we should become normal friend...

from now on , all about ur memory will fade away from my mind..

friend again..

as a matter of fact, we're friend again...

such a long story....

and since this arguement we become intimate...

i'm hopeful that she'll gave me a call..

hopefully,she did it

she gave me a call yesterday , i feel pleased when i answered the call...

my father told us to stop our chattering after couple of hours..

today, a surprised expression on everyone face...

but seokyi look rather depressed...

i know seokyi is obsess by manda...

but she doesn't admit it...

and i observe many unusual in her behavior today ....

for example : she keep on asking me about manda..

recess, she suddenly sat beside manda closely....

and we was very surprised by her behaviour...

she said she feel more comfort to sit beside manda...

it's all eyewash!

it was courageous of her to did that!

needless to say, she think she can stand a chance to relay my place...

but i don't think SO!

i will make provision for that..

and i will BEAR UP!

fake lier!

is this you call friend?i'm depress with her,it's totally!

everytime , when we argue many unreasonable-reason will come...

i'm damn tired to hear that! why you always appears in various guise?
as a good friend , a fake lier , a selfish lier!

is that our friendship is seasonal?the friendship will gone after spring?
and i will be alone for winter?

i began to upset , for others friends , i feeling the same way !
just become normal friend i think that is a necessary evil

from now on i would give through a inspection before i trust someone..
because i can't bear to know you using me ..
it's unbearable!STOP IT!dun try to told me any unreasonable-reason!

fake lier!i hate you..